July 18, 2008
Terminations
Another month. More sunny days and wild strawberries and pulling weeds alone in the garden. Drinking coffee at midnight and pacing around my house, sitting on the floor crying, going to work and watching everyone watch me not be okay. The silence before I can hit replay on a song I've been listening to over and over again. Missing everyone who is too busy with everything else. It's been a really sad month.
But my garden is finally in bloom. I've eaten blueberries from my very own plants, something I've always dreamed about, and fried zucchini not five minutes off the bush, and the corn will soon grow high enough that I will be able to hide myself in the middle, amongst the pumpkins creeping underfoot.
I fired someone at work last week. He was a jerk, in multiple ways, and my only regret is waiting so long to get rid of him. He accused me of being a horrible racist (is there another kind?) and then called me a fucking cracker about fourteen times on his way to his car. I would have asked HR to continue paying for his medical insurance if I thought he would seek some help for his anger.
Two of his most negative co-workers quit in protest, which saved me the trouble of ever having to worry about fighting their unemployment claims. I feel happier, and I think a lot of people in my department feel happier, too. It's not good having a lot of negative energy around, I think. I've been doing some line work, and building up my stash of comp days, and it's been good.
I've been seeing a counselor I really like. She runs to control her anxiety, and probably talks to herself now and then, and I think she's a good fit for me.
I'm going to Philadelphia in a week, and Boston a month after that, and then Chicago a few weeks later, and maybe D.C. another month later, and then South Africa two months after that, and possibly to Tanzania while I'm there.
I have a new buddy, and I'm reminded that buddies are nice to have.
Posted by Sean at July 18, 2008 11:14 PM